Where is the Love?

Thelma Yvonne Burleson-Rogers has become my greatest teacher. Being the stubborn independent daughter that I was, this is very hard for me to admit. Our relationship was odd in the fact that as far as I can remember,  I was always the one making decisions, in control of her finances, and telling her what was best. I deemed her weak, childish and unfit as a mother. But, with the choices she made, she really didn't leave me much choice in the matter. Now that I'm a mother I have another perspective. I find myself thinking of my late mother with more fascination than condemnation. She has become elevated to mentor status in my mind.  It isn't her wisdom and knowledge that has become my school master but her mistakes and failures that I have finally chosen to dissect and learn from. One of the things that I wasn't blessed with was my mother's beauty or desire to be looked upon as beautiful. I believe her beauty was her Kryptonite and kept her from doing things that was beneficial to her. When men comment on my looks, I tell them all the time,  "I am more smart than pretty." This statement completely disarms them and puts me in the drivers seat of the situation. I have gained an understanding that either you're in the driving seat of your life or someone else will be happy to take the lead.

BACK TO MY TEACHER!
Through her paternal upbringing, with all of the focus in the family being on the "boys", my mother never thought in terms of what was good for her. She constantly deferred to what others wanted, what was best for the men in her life or what others thought of her. Well, anyone who knew my mother understands where that got her, not very far. She ended up penniless, homeless, mentally ill and without honor among my brother and I. How did this promising beauty queen fall so far from grace? The easy answer would be to blame my no-good-father. And trust me, he was just that. Marrying Will Rogers was about the single worst decision in her all too young life. But, blaming him would relieve her of all the personal responsibility and turn her into a child. When the facts were, she was a full-grown woman who was intellectual and articulate and could have done anything with her life. I would take all that away from her if I transferred all the guilt to my father. So, I had to peruse her life with a fine tooth comb and evaluate where she went wrong and apply those lessons to my life. This is the resounding wisdom that my mother has passed down to me : LOVE DOESN'T HURT! I don't care if it's your mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, cousin, best friend or spouse. If they love you, they won't hurt you. I'm not suggesting that relationships will be without conflict because I'm not oblivious to reality or living in la-la land but inflicting wounds is not the same as having conflict. It was her inability to ascertain whether a person deserved to be in her life based on how they treated her instead of their title that caused her downfall. That being said, I am totally realigning my inner compass. I drift towards people and experiences that adds value to me. I don't hate, blame, or dislike anyone or anything but I purposefully avoid people who has shown me that I am not valuable to them. This allows more room in my life for those who do see my inner beauty and celebrate me. And yes, while this decision has caused me to isolate myself from my family, I am the happiest and most confident I've been in my whole life. Oh how I wish my mother would have learned this during her lifetime! All I can say to my mom, who is watching over me with her angel wings, is thank you for being my greatest teacher and I love you to infinity. I know you have done everything within your power to make sure I get this lesson and apply it to my life.

Ashira Naima Yvonne Pratt - My Report Card

I'm up this morning reading this intimate account of my pregnancy and am really happy I chose to do this blog. Ashira will know she was loved from the moment of conception. The human brain is wired for love. I know this without a doubt by watching this amazing little creature grow, develop and blossom.  Her smile, laugh and personality is infectious.

But, this blog is about me.

How am I doing as a mother? How am I doing as a wife? How am I doing as a woman? One of the greatest attributes I possess is having a sincere desire to examine myself. While I sometimes engage in the horrible art of backbiting and judging others, I spend the majority of my time thinking about myself. I am one of my worst critics, next to my mother. She rarely had anything positive to say about my singing, housekeeping abilities, my childhood or about  me for that fact. However, she did pay me one of the nicest compliments before she passed. She told me I was a strong person and handled her business (social security check, medical needs, housing and mental illness) much better than she could. I really didn't want to be the strong one in the family, all the time. There were times when I really needed someone to lean on but couldn't and it made me depressed. They say time heals all wounds. Well, I am still waiting on mine to. There's this aching in my heart that just won't go away. I've had it since my mother left me when I was a child. Of course, I didn't know that all of my acting out was  a result of being abandoned but now it is so apparent and obvious. And now, it forces me to come to terms with my maternal instincts and ability.

As a mother, I would have to give myself an D-. Mind you, I feed, read, bathe, and give unconditional love to Ashira. She is self-assured, well-adjusted and growing healthy. However, what she needs me to do the most, I have failed to do and that is take care of my mental, spiritual and physical health. I'm sure during my early childhood my mother was there for me as well. Otherwise, I wouldn't have survived but she neglected herself. She failed to love herself properly, follow her dreams/goals, and create healthy boundaries in her relationships. Because of this, she eventually she lost herself. Looking back on these blog entries, it has occurred  to me that I've too lost myself. I do not pray without ceasing, I don't exercise, I'm not following my dreams or creating meaningful goals and I've certainly neglected my mental health. I've become negative, disheartened, pessimistic and apathetic - not exactly the stuff great moms are made of.

So, as of today I take back what the devil has tried to steal from me. I speak life over me, Ashira, Alfred and all that concerns us. I declare that I am a woman of excellence. I love myself. I am  created in the image and likeness of God. I overcome all things by faith and Nothing shall by any means hurt me. 

Last Blog Post!

Watch Alfred and I as we post our last blog before the January 14th birth of our 1st daughter, Ashira Naima Pratt. Thank you again for following our journey. Have a blessed and joyous new year!

At my last visit, I was able to talk Dr. Chatman into going on camera.

I know Dr. Nguyen will be glad when she is through with me...lol. She is absolutely fantastic!

One Generation Plants The Trees; Another Gets The Shade!

How are my favorite people in the world? Hope all is going well in your life.

Well, I'm getting down to the nitty gritty as the previous generation used to say:-). My latest visits to my doctors went very well. Because of large fibroids and a previous surgery, I cannot have a natural birth. So, Dr. Nugyen scheduled my C-section on my mother's birthday, January 14th 2010, without any prompting from me I might add. However, she did say my iron was a little low and placed me on yet another vitamin regimen. I am now seeing her every two weeks.

The next day I went to see my favorite physician, Dr. Chatman who performed another 3D/4D ultrasound and wouldn't you know it, our little girl looks just like her dad. I guess she calculated that she would fair better if she looked like the one who pays the bills instead of the one who housed her for 9 months...lol. Seriously, it was the most awe inspiring feeling to finally get a view of our little pumpkin. She did say that as of right now, the baby is in a breach position. My last visit to Dr. Chatman will be December 23 where she'll document her weight and final position before birth.

THE IMPORTANT ISSUE OF NAMING

At first, my husband and I were planning on naming our bundle of joy after our mothers, Thelma Yvonne and Beverly June. Then, I happened across a book called A treasury of baby names, and we begin to sort through the origins and meaning of the names and decided that we'd rather give her something unique and more meaningful to us. So, for the next few weeks, everyone who came to our home had to look through the book and write down their choice in the journal we started for her. Since I was on a Maya Angelou reading binge (I'd read over 8 of her books in a two month's span) I was set on naming her Maya. As a matter of fact, until October 11th we had been addressing her as Maya in her journal and when we talked to her. On that day; however, my brother and his wife came over to eat and as customary they had to sort through the book and pick a name. It didn't take long for my brother to spot a name that was so meaningful that my husband actually shut down the naming game and settled on my brother's choice. Ashira, which is Hebrew for wealthy was the winner. Her middle name was chosen as a result of me searching the internet for the translation of the word blessing which is, Naima. Ashira Naima Pratt will always know that she is a wealthy blessing to us every time she hears her name.

ONE GENERATION PLANTS THE TREES; ANOTHER GETS THE SHADE
As a final thought, I'd like for each of you to do me a huge favor. I believe our time on earth should be meaningful and celebrated. When someone makes a mark on our lives, I don't think we should just let their memory fade into obscurity. This is what I believe is at the heart of the empathy and rebellion we're seeing in today's youth. They really don't know where they came from and the legacy of those who preceded them. They are merely living their lives based on what they see and know now, which is mostly negative and derogatory information. Don't start me to preaching, but it's high time we re-introduce the next generation to their grandparents and forefathers who fought incredible odds to allow us to get where we are today.

N.T. BURLESON

I'll never forget the day it dawned upon me, like a ton of bricks, that my entrepreneurial spirit actually originated from my maternal grandfather. N. T. Burleson, who was a real estate investor, savvy trucking business man and an intellectual made a huge impact on me during my formative years. He always warned us against wasting our money on renting houses or apartments. He'd sit up with us for hours talking about current events, money, investing and other things that were way over our heads at the time. Subconsciously, I was soaking in all of that knowledge, and in due time the seed that he planted sprang forth and I started my own business at the age of 30, bought real estate and started being more serious about life, which was one of my grandfather's favorite quotes out of many. He'd say to us kids when we were acting silly, "This thing we call life is serious business." No matter how many times I fail in any of my ventures (and I've failed quite a bit), I continue to press forward because of his example.

ESTER ROGERS

My paternal grandmother, Ester Rogers possessed the strongest will in Eunice, LA. Nothing and no one got in her way. When we were growing up, you could chastise kids without any repercussions. When the next generation came along, however, everything was considered child abuse. Well, Miss Easter was going to raise her young grandchildren the same way she'd raised all her children and older grandchildren, with a firm hand. She believed strongly in discipline and order. When the Eunice police department tried to interfere with her disciplining her grandson, she actually invited them inside and told my cousin to get her strap so they could witness. They told her she wasn't allowed to whip him and she retorted, "If I'm not allowed to discipline him, then you will have to take him with you and raise him". She said, "If I don't whip him now, you will after he's grown." Needless to say they left without saying another word. I believe her strong and indomitable spirit passed on to me in ways that has kept me from becoming a statistic or product of my environment. I refused to go down the road that was presented to me as a child no matter how persuasive. I chose a different path based on what I felt was right for me. This felt normal to me after having witnessed my grandmother do what she want to do when she wanted to do it.

IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I said all of that to say, could you please assist me in documenting the legacy of our parents and grandparents? There is so little I know about them because of all the brokenness we experienced as children. I would love to have printed stories about our father, mother and all our grandparents to share with Ashira. Unfortunately, she will not get to meet some of them, but perhaps reading about them will give her a strong sense of identity as she grows up and start to make her mark in the world. My address is P.O. BOX 38097, Houston, TX 77238. Could you send pictures, write down stories, events or memories that you have of:

My side of the family

Bennett Rogers ~ my paternal grandfather;
Ester Rogers ~ my paternal grandmother;
Will Rogers ~ my father;
N.T. Burleson ~ my maternal grandfather;
Thelma Burleson ~ my maternal grandmother;
Thelma Yvonne Rogers ~ my mother;
Tanya Nichole Rogers ~ Myself

Alfred's side of the family

Cecil E. Pratt ~ his paternal grandfather;
Revia Brown ~ his paternal grandmother;
Alfred Pratt Sr. ~ his father;
Robert Jones ~ his maternal grandfather;
Lessie M. Beatie ~ his maternal grandmother;
Beverly June Allen ~ his mother;
Alfred Pratt Jr. ~ Himself

Your stories will be turned into a special book for Ashira so she'll be able to read about her amazing ancestors whenever she wants. I am counting on 100% participation from everyone. PLEASE!PLEASE! PLEASE! HELP ME DO THIS!!!!!

And It's A...

(Crystal and I in Chicago for mother's day 2007)


Yesterday, we visited a specialist who measured all of the baby's organs and told us that we are having a baby girl! Dr. Chatman was very pleased with the results of the ultrasound and scheduled us for a follow-up, November 12. Now that I know that the baby is healthy and vibrant, I feel so much more elated. I praise God for his goodness and faithfulness. After the doctor's visit we went to the house of worship and got our praise on. I had the most wonderful time worshiping God for his gift!

But this particular blog is dedicated to the first person I thought about when the doctor told me we were having a female baby. I immediately began to picture my little girl growing up to be just like my God sister, Crystal Black. Now, I must admit, I didn't always have such fond memories when it came to her:-). Strong-willed would probably be a understatement if I used that to describe her back when we were still teenagers. As a teenager, Crystal was bold, argumentative, tenacious and definitely outspoken. Since I was a few years her senior, I felt like she should respect and honor me as the elder sister. Instead, she questioned my judgments, openly disapproved of my boyfriend and castigated me in front of others. Oh boy was I livid with her, until......

I found out that she was mostly correct. I was too timid and not discerning enough and as a result tended to be thought of as weak by others. People took advantage of my kindness and generosity. As my life began to evolve, I had to seriously rethink the attributes I had subscribed to my God sister. She was not being mean, hateful or evil as I once thought. Crystal was actually intuitive and wise beyond her years and could see through people and situations much clearer than I. In her own way, and probably not aware of it, she was trying to toughen me up, make me stand up for myself and have my own mind about life. Boy, did I have some growing up to do.

And now, 17 years later, Crystal has proven herself to be all that I knew she would be. She is still wise beyond her years, tenacious and strong-willed. With these attributes, she has obtained her Master's degree, delved into a successful acting and teaching career and has been the greatest big sister 3 brothers could ever have. Crystal is also an ambassador for Christ in these last and evil days and her heavenly Father has smiled upon her in extraordinary ways.

I said all of this to say, thank God my little girl will have a role-model in her God-aunt Crystal whom I hope will say, when I grow up I want to be just like her.

May we all live a life that glorifies God and causes others to want to walk in our footsteps.

Trails Come To Make Us Stronger!

How are my favorite people in the entire universe? It's been a little while since I've updated everyone on the progress of my 1st pregnancy. I have been in transition, so to speak. I have gone through some emotional hurtles during the past 2 months. Since there's not anything too hard for God, I know I will get through it. This is why I believe so strongly in the power of agreement. I sincerely believe that because my prayer-agreement partners are continuing to use their faith on my behalf, I am overcoming all things. I am also exercising my faith on their behalf. It is truly a blessing to be in fellowship with strong men and women of God.

Tuesday, my husband and I went to our doctor's visit. As I was being weight-in, my primary doctor was leaving to attend a birth at the hospital. Her associate, Dr. Campbell saw me. She perform the usual exam and said everything was going perfect. She did say I was a bit dehydrated. Other than that, I went for blood work and they will schedule me for a comprehensive ultrasound that can detect birth defects. Of course, we are believing for a healthy baby, In Jesus Name.

This time around I was a little disappointed because I couldn't see the baby during the routine ultrasound exam. The ultrasound machine she used was different than the one my doctor uses. I was laying completely flat and as a result, we didn't get a print-out and I wasn't able to see much. My husband on the other hand saw everything. He said the baby was in the position of a track star about to run in a championship race. I know that's some high level stuff for a 4 month old but it's true...lol. Usain Bolt, look out because you apparently have some competition. Since my husband was so estatic about what he saw, I feed off his excitement and became content.

That's everything for now. I'm trusting everything is going well in your life. Continue to walk by faith and not by sight. Love you!

Baby's heart beating today!

Here's my Doctor, Dr. Nguyen discussing the baby's health


Today on my second visit, we heard the baby's heart beating and saw the baby wave his/her arm. It blew us away how much the baby is growing. Dr. Nguyen said the heart beat was normal and my blood work was perfect. When she tried to get the baby to move again by shaking the ultrasound probe, he/she refused. We had a great big laugh at his/her strong will already.

We also discussed how much it'd would cost to have the baby and we found out just how expensive they are, and we haven't even brought a diaper yet..lol. This was the most exciting day of our lives to hear our baby's heart beating and see him/her waving at us. It's so inspiring how they have to trust us completely to eat right, get exercise and take good care of them until they make their arrival. We plan to do just that.

We have a faith confession that we'd like to share with our family, friends and prayer partners. We strongly believe in the power of the spoken word and how faith can move mountains, if you believe. For those who believe int he power of faith confessions, please repeat these affirmations everyday.

Father, In Jesus Name, I thank you for the gift of a healthy child given to Alfred and Tanya. We thank you for your divine protection of the life of the unborn child, the mother and the father. We praise you that they have the wisdom of God to raise this child in the nurture and admonition of You Father. Now, we agree with them that every Spiritual, Emotional and Financial need in their lives are met with Heaven's best. Thank you Jesus for blessing the Pratt Family, In Jesus Name. AMEN

We'll until next time, stay blessed and have a great day on purpose!